4mylife

After my weigh in yesterday I realized that my weight was off on my ticker.  I set this up in October and then life got in the way.  By the time I got back to being serious about losing weight, I was at 208 instead of 205.  Corrected that now.  When I checked in to the hospital Dec. 29th, I was still at 208.  The scale at the cardiologists office yesterday agreed with my home scale - 194!  That’s 14 lbs. in one month with only diet changes - no physical activity yet due to the limitations by doctors because of the surgery and that pesky heart attack 2 weeks ago.  I am so excited that I can’t wait to begin cardiac rehab.  I can’t wait to see where my numbers go from here.  I have had some good days and some bad.  My chest still hurts so much from both the surgery and the heart attack.  But I am healing, inside and out - slowly.  Knowing that my number keeps going to the right helps keep me in a good place mentally.  I am trying hard not to give in to the depression that the majority of heart patients go through.  Since I had a double whammy, it’s not easy.  I have days where I cry in pain from both the physical and the emotional.  I am scared of the future and of the past.  I mourn the life I once knew.  I am not that person anymore and I don’t think I ever will be again.  I don’t know how many more chances I will be blessed with.  I am not about to blow this one.  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one pound at a time.  If I can take this journey, anyone can -

Good health to us all -

Dianna

Well, the munchies have come back.  I had completely cut out all snacking between meals since my bypass and heart attack.  I am an emotional eater.  The emotions of what all I have been through in such a short period of time all came crashing down at once.  I immediately reached for the chips.  To my own credit, I stopped after just a handful.  I could picture my arteries clogging right back up.  I got my mind off of food and averted disaster but it wasn’t easy.

I weighed in today for the first time in almost 2 weeks.  Another pound lost - yay me!  That may not seem like much, but that is with practically zero activity level, so I am proud of myself.  It shows that my changes in eating habits are making a difference.  I am still limited in activity until Feb. 14th.  Doctors want me to recover more before starting to exercise and build my heart back up.  I take little walks to get the paper and mail and around my yard each day.  I am walking a little more each and every day.   

The munchies continue to be my biggest enemy.  Keeping all temptation out of my house is not an option.  I have a tall, skinny husband and a tall, skinny, hormonal 15 year old daughter.  When they want to snack, they want to snack.  As long as I can cope emotionally, I can avoid my biggest trigger.  The last time I felt an overwhleming urge to snack, I went to a mirror and lifted my shirt.  Seeing the scar from my surgery was all I needed to go grab a water bottle and focus on something other than food.

Baby steps - one day at a time - one pound at a time - Good health to us all!

Dianna

Okay, I guess one can blog too much - but I couldn’t wait to post the poem I wrote this morning.  I thought it might give someone out there motivation, or at least a laugh or 2.Continuned good health to us all!  Dianna

A poem, for your consideration (based upon the classic – The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe)

THE RAVING (Of a Serial Dieter)

Okay, so everyone knows the best way to lose weight is by combining exercise and healthy eating - right?  Well, I am soooooo frustrated right now.  I was told NOT to change my eating habits drastically after my recent bypass surgery.  They told me to wait until I started cardiac rehab. because I need the calories to heal and changing my metabolism would be too much of a shock to my body after what it has been through.  Called rehab yesterday because that nasty little heart attack last week slowed everything down.  The medical director of the center wants me to wait to start rehab.  He looked and my chart and feels like I need to wait a month post heart attack before starting.  They are afriad since I had an event so soon after bypass, I am at high risk, so I need to wait longer.  First of all this kind of scares me - I like to be positive and think all this is behind me.  Secondly, I am not a person who enjoys laying around. I have always been fairly active.  This means weeks more of spending way too much time on this computer and in my recliner.  They really don’t want me to do more than rest and take short walks around my yard each day, but not too many.  I guess I can see their point.  Don’t want to risk something else happening.  I am so lucky to still be here and so many people are worse off than me.  I guess I need to quit whining about this all and get on with my life.  That’s hard to do.  I feel like my life is on Pause right now if that makes any sense.

The twist mentioned in the title to this blog entry is that February 14th will be 4 weeks after my heart attack.  I can’t help but feel like there is some meaning to that.  After not making the changes I needed to in the past, is this the time it WILL happen?  Will the day that revolves around hearts be the start of my new life?  Only time will tell for sure.  I am still very frustrated.  At 195, I need to lose 60-70 lbs.  I have made little changes to my diet.  I am eating 2 meals a day and having small snacks in between with a very light meal at the end of the day. I am no longer grazing 24/7 like I used to.  I guess it’s a step in the right direction.    I need to exercise and eat right to lose the weight that is killing me, but doing these things right now is not in the best interest of my health.  Is that a catch 22 or what?

So, everyone out there reading this, take a few extra steps for me today and every day until February 14th.  I look forward to joining you all very soon in our journey to get healthy.  For now, I will read your stories to stay inspired and be your biggest cheerleader from the sidelines.  Can’t wait to get back in the game with you all.  Good health to us all -

Dianna 

A little humor in the midst of my recovery and life changes - I have to relay something that happened between my mother and I in the ER last week while I was having a heart attack. My mother is my best friend. She is also the vainest person on the face of the earth and admits to it readily. She takes good care of herself and looks very good for a woman her age. When she hears comments about how good she looks, she is like a peacock spreading her feathers to show just how good she looks. I am very proud of her, but I am not my mother. I let myself get out of shape and she hounds me about it. She is concerned for my health, but also admits she doesn’t like having a daughter who is over weight.  My brother is obese but, to her, he’s just a big guy. Get where I am going here?

I don’t deny my mother her dues.  She works hard to look that good and it is all natural.  I wish I had received more from her gene pool.  I seem to have taken a longer dip in the heart disease and diabetes one.  Mom is checking on me daily as I recover and, I am happy to say, hasn’t mentioned my feet once since I transferred out of the ER.   Mothers - gotta love them!  Good health to us all -

Dianna

The last time I walked to the end of my drive way, I had a minor heart attack.  I got up this morning determined to get what exercise I can and go get my paper.  I was soooo nervous but my 15 year old is home for MLK day.  I am not alone.  I had my house phone in one pocket, my cell phone as a back up in the other and 2 bottles of nitro in my hand.  I made it half way back when I got sort of breath.  I realized I was having a panic attack.  I slowed my breathing and focused on my gate.  I made it - yay me!  Turns out my daughter had seen me and watched my entire trip with her cell phone in her hand. 

I still have zero energy, but what can I expect with what I have been through in such a short time frame.  I made myself an egg white omelet for breakfast so I am headed in the right direction.  Can’t wait to start cardiac rehab. and get active again.  My recliner and I have spent entirely too much time together lately but I know that will end soon.  If I push myself too hard, too soon I will go backwards.  I do NOT want to end up back in cardiac ICU.  If you think dieting sucks, try the no salt, no fat food in the cardiac unit of your local hospital.  It will make what you are doing on your own seem gourmet.

Wishing us all well in our journey for health and fitness -

Dianna

This is so much harder than I thought it would be.  I am now 2 weeks and 4 days post op from my triple bypass.  The good news is that I can see a tremendous change in my energy level.  Those blockages were really dragging me down.  I am still weak and draggy from the surgery, but I can feel my energy surging.  I am not one who is used to sitting around.  I cannot lift anything over 5 lbs. for 2 more weeks and nothing over 10 lbs. for 2 more months after that - have to let my sternum heal and reattach itself.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr! I cannot even vacuum, which is driving me nuts.  So, the good news is that I have more energy - the bad news is I can do nothing with it for a while.  Cardiac rehab should be set up and start in a week or so.  That will make me feel like I am doing something.

Doing good on eating, I must say.  After what I have been through, I have developed almost a freakish fear of food.  I picture every bite I take settling in my arteries and leading me back to the OR.  I no longer graze 24/7 like I use to.  I eat 2 meals a day and a couple of snacks.  Weight not exactly falling off since I am so inactive but it gives me hope for when I am.  I have to eat in order to heal, which will lead to me being active again.  My biggest vice in the world is Coca Cola.  I don’t smoke or drink but I would die without my Coke!  I have done better.  I am down from a 2 liter bottle a day to 3 - 2 liter bottles a week.  I guess it’s a start. 

I walk out to get my paper and my mail each day.  We live in the country so it’s a nice little stroll.  I cannot wait to get back to being active again.  Until then, I guess I better go hurry up and do nothing some more. 

Best of luck to us all in this journey we share and remember to always be an advocate for yourself.

Dianna

Gosh, I started out so motivated when I found this website.  I had so much hope that I could find inspiration and inspire others here.  Then life got in the way. My 15 year old had to have major foot surgery in late October and just got off of crutches.  That was the reason for my disappearing act.  Now I am back with much more to add to my story.

I guess I’ll give some of the basics of my battle with heart disease since it is a journey I continue.  In June, 2005 I started experiencing symptoms I thought were related to being overweight.  I was around 212 lbs. at the time.  Living in SE Texas in the summer, you would think getting out of breath and breaking into a sweat easily would be an assumption of being over weight in the south.  My symptoms continued to progress to include chest pain, nausea, left arm pain.  I knew something was terribly wrong, but ignored it all because I was too busy taking care of everyone else. 

In mid-August, I finally could not take what I was experiencing anymore.  I went to my family doctor.  EKG was normal.  Told to exercise and lose weight.  Told to go the ER if it got too bad - I think they did this to cover themselves for not doing more testing.  Went to the ER one weekend.  I could no longer walk across my living room with throwing up from crushing pain.  As long as I sat in a chair I was fine.  EKG, blood work all normal.  Cardiologist called in because my father died at 54 of a heart attack.  Kept overnight and had a stress test.  Normal.  Told to go home and exercise and lose weight.  Went home and cut grass in 100+ temps.  Took my teenage daughters back to school shopping at the mall.  All this time I could only do things for 5 minutes or so without classic heart attack symptoms.  Would rest for 10 minutes and start again.

I felt deep down inside something was horribly, horribly wrong.  Back to the ER.  Met with a nurse practitioner from cardiologists’ office.  Told her I was not leaving without being 100% certain there was nothing wrong with my heart.  She ordered a heart cath. “just to set your mind at ease”.  Got into the cath. lab.  Different doctor from same group.  Told me at 39 and female he did not expect to find anything and I should relax and not worry.  Room got quiet mid-procedure.  People started moving very fast and whispering.  Doctor asked if I was experiencing any pain?   I was - I felt like my chest was going to explode.  He had found a 95% blockage of my LAD - main arterty going down the front of my heart.  He was stenting it as he spoke saying things like “I’ll be darned!  You are one lucky lady.  Good thing we found this.”  Afterwards, I asked him how serious it had been and told him what all I had been doing.  He said I was a walking miracle and should have been dead if I had pushed a lawn mower what that blockage.  I was so angry.  Why did I have to fight so hard?  Why did they blow off my symptoms?  It was because I was young, female and overweight. 

Lesson learned - always listen to your inner voice.  If you know something is wrong, pursue it until you are satisfied.  That’s not the end of my story.  It is just the beginning.

Thanks for taking time to read my story. 

Dianna

Hello all, I am new here. I am joining this community in the hopes that I can save my life.  I am hoping to learn from you and be inspired as I share my story and hopefully inspire others.

I guess instead of starting at the beginning of my story, it might work better to go from where I am now so that others can learn from the dire circumstances I am in now.  I am 41 years old, married and the mother of 2 - grandmother of 1.  I was diagnosed with heart disease at the age of 39 when I received my first stent.  I received my 2nd at age 40 and am fairly certain I have a new blockage at this time.  My experience with the medical community dealing with my heart disease at such a young age should have motivated me to take charge of my life.  Instead, they led to frustration, aggravation and a depression that has caused more emotional eating.  I am not making excuses.  Just telling the truth.  I didn’t wake up and change my lifestyle to save my life as most sane people would have.  I went the other route - why me?  How come everyone else can eat fun food and not risk their lives?”  Now I realize it should not be ”why me” but “this is me - I have heart disease and I am killing myself eating the wrong kinds of food and not exercising”.

In the days to come I will go into details of my story more.  I want all the women in this community to know that heart disease can happen to you. I want you all to know that if you are fairly young, you may not recognize the symptoms or dismiss them.  The doctors may not listen to you either.  I almost lost my life and I now desperately want to change my lifestyle before it is too late.  

My story is a complicated one and I am a ”talker”. If you choose to follow my blog, be prepared for long posts.  I hope that they will be worth the read. 

Thanks for being a part of this journey.

Dianna