4mylife

After my weigh in yesterday I realized that my weight was off on my ticker.  I set this up in October and then life got in the way.  By the time I got back to being serious about losing weight, I was at 208 instead of 205.  Corrected that now.  When I checked in to the hospital Dec. 29th, I was still at 208.  The scale at the cardiologists office yesterday agreed with my home scale - 194!  That’s 14 lbs. in one month with only diet changes - no physical activity yet due to the limitations by doctors because of the surgery and that pesky heart attack 2 weeks ago.  I am so excited that I can’t wait to begin cardiac rehab.  I can’t wait to see where my numbers go from here.  I have had some good days and some bad.  My chest still hurts so much from both the surgery and the heart attack.  But I am healing, inside and out - slowly.  Knowing that my number keeps going to the right helps keep me in a good place mentally.  I am trying hard not to give in to the depression that the majority of heart patients go through.  Since I had a double whammy, it’s not easy.  I have days where I cry in pain from both the physical and the emotional.  I am scared of the future and of the past.  I mourn the life I once knew.  I am not that person anymore and I don’t think I ever will be again.  I don’t know how many more chances I will be blessed with.  I am not about to blow this one.  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one pound at a time.  If I can take this journey, anyone can -

Good health to us all -

Dianna

Well, the munchies have come back.  I had completely cut out all snacking between meals since my bypass and heart attack.  I am an emotional eater.  The emotions of what all I have been through in such a short period of time all came crashing down at once.  I immediately reached for the chips.  To my own credit, I stopped after just a handful.  I could picture my arteries clogging right back up.  I got my mind off of food and averted disaster but it wasn’t easy.

I weighed in today for the first time in almost 2 weeks.  Another pound lost - yay me!  That may not seem like much, but that is with practically zero activity level, so I am proud of myself.  It shows that my changes in eating habits are making a difference.  I am still limited in activity until Feb. 14th.  Doctors want me to recover more before starting to exercise and build my heart back up.  I take little walks to get the paper and mail and around my yard each day.  I am walking a little more each and every day.   

The munchies continue to be my biggest enemy.  Keeping all temptation out of my house is not an option.  I have a tall, skinny husband and a tall, skinny, hormonal 15 year old daughter.  When they want to snack, they want to snack.  As long as I can cope emotionally, I can avoid my biggest trigger.  The last time I felt an overwhleming urge to snack, I went to a mirror and lifted my shirt.  Seeing the scar from my surgery was all I needed to go grab a water bottle and focus on something other than food.

Baby steps - one day at a time - one pound at a time - Good health to us all!

Dianna

This Friday is National Wear Red Day sponsored by the American Heart Association.  It is a day for people across the country to acknowledge that heart disease is the #1 killer of American women.  By wearing red, you are supporting the effort to raise awareness and empower women to reduce their risks for this deadly disease that claims so many of us.  This is the fifth year of this campaign.  It is also known as the Red Dress program, but is not as widely recognized as the pink ribbons for breast cancer.  I hope that one day soon that changes.  I do not wish to see any cause eclipsed.  I just think that heart disease deserves as much attention and acknowledgment in the media. 

 Of course, I am a survivor.  I am recovering/healing from a triple bypass on December 30th, 2007 followed on Janury 17, 2008 by a heart attack.  I wish everyone who reads this would take a moment to think about their health and that of those they love.  Please take care of your hearts and of each other.  Being overweight ups our risks tremendously and I should know.  But I can turn this around and so can you.  I have been given another chance.

Let’s all make a change of heart this Friday - please wear red to show your support.  Please take a step towards a healthier heart for yourself and for those you love and who love you.  Get educated and spread the message.  Women don’t have to die from heart disease.  We can live with it.  I am proof.  I am a survivor.

Good health to us all and thank you for listening -

Dianna

Okay, I guess one can blog too much - but I couldn’t wait to post the poem I wrote this morning.  I thought it might give someone out there motivation, or at least a laugh or 2.Continuned good health to us all!  Dianna

A poem, for your consideration (based upon the classic – The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe)

THE RAVING (Of a Serial Dieter)

Okay, so everyone knows the best way to lose weight is by combining exercise and healthy eating - right?  Well, I am soooooo frustrated right now.  I was told NOT to change my eating habits drastically after my recent bypass surgery.  They told me to wait until I started cardiac rehab. because I need the calories to heal and changing my metabolism would be too much of a shock to my body after what it has been through.  Called rehab yesterday because that nasty little heart attack last week slowed everything down.  The medical director of the center wants me to wait to start rehab.  He looked and my chart and feels like I need to wait a month post heart attack before starting.  They are afriad since I had an event so soon after bypass, I am at high risk, so I need to wait longer.  First of all this kind of scares me - I like to be positive and think all this is behind me.  Secondly, I am not a person who enjoys laying around. I have always been fairly active.  This means weeks more of spending way too much time on this computer and in my recliner.  They really don’t want me to do more than rest and take short walks around my yard each day, but not too many.  I guess I can see their point.  Don’t want to risk something else happening.  I am so lucky to still be here and so many people are worse off than me.  I guess I need to quit whining about this all and get on with my life.  That’s hard to do.  I feel like my life is on Pause right now if that makes any sense.

The twist mentioned in the title to this blog entry is that February 14th will be 4 weeks after my heart attack.  I can’t help but feel like there is some meaning to that.  After not making the changes I needed to in the past, is this the time it WILL happen?  Will the day that revolves around hearts be the start of my new life?  Only time will tell for sure.  I am still very frustrated.  At 195, I need to lose 60-70 lbs.  I have made little changes to my diet.  I am eating 2 meals a day and having small snacks in between with a very light meal at the end of the day. I am no longer grazing 24/7 like I used to.  I guess it’s a step in the right direction.    I need to exercise and eat right to lose the weight that is killing me, but doing these things right now is not in the best interest of my health.  Is that a catch 22 or what?

So, everyone out there reading this, take a few extra steps for me today and every day until February 14th.  I look forward to joining you all very soon in our journey to get healthy.  For now, I will read your stories to stay inspired and be your biggest cheerleader from the sidelines.  Can’t wait to get back in the game with you all.  Good health to us all -

Dianna 

A little humor in the midst of my recovery and life changes - I have to relay something that happened between my mother and I in the ER last week while I was having a heart attack. My mother is my best friend. She is also the vainest person on the face of the earth and admits to it readily. She takes good care of herself and looks very good for a woman her age. When she hears comments about how good she looks, she is like a peacock spreading her feathers to show just how good she looks. I am very proud of her, but I am not my mother. I let myself get out of shape and she hounds me about it. She is concerned for my health, but also admits she doesn’t like having a daughter who is over weight.  My brother is obese but, to her, he’s just a big guy. Get where I am going here?

I don’t deny my mother her dues.  She works hard to look that good and it is all natural.  I wish I had received more from her gene pool.  I seem to have taken a longer dip in the heart disease and diabetes one.  Mom is checking on me daily as I recover and, I am happy to say, hasn’t mentioned my feet once since I transferred out of the ER.   Mothers - gotta love them!  Good health to us all -

Dianna

The last time I walked to the end of my drive way, I had a minor heart attack.  I got up this morning determined to get what exercise I can and go get my paper.  I was soooo nervous but my 15 year old is home for MLK day.  I am not alone.  I had my house phone in one pocket, my cell phone as a back up in the other and 2 bottles of nitro in my hand.  I made it half way back when I got sort of breath.  I realized I was having a panic attack.  I slowed my breathing and focused on my gate.  I made it - yay me!  Turns out my daughter had seen me and watched my entire trip with her cell phone in her hand. 

I still have zero energy, but what can I expect with what I have been through in such a short time frame.  I made myself an egg white omelet for breakfast so I am headed in the right direction.  Can’t wait to start cardiac rehab. and get active again.  My recliner and I have spent entirely too much time together lately but I know that will end soon.  If I push myself too hard, too soon I will go backwards.  I do NOT want to end up back in cardiac ICU.  If you think dieting sucks, try the no salt, no fat food in the cardiac unit of your local hospital.  It will make what you are doing on your own seem gourmet.

Wishing us all well in our journey for health and fitness -

Dianna

Hello All -

To those of you who have taken the time to read my blogs so far, thanks for your time and support.  Today’s post will leave you shaking your head in disbelief.

As stated in my previous post, I had triple bypass surgery on December 30th.   11 days later on January 10th I was awaken at 4:ooam with chest pain very similar to that before my bypass.  I tried not to panick.  I took a couple of nitro - it went away - came back 15 minutes later.  Nitro made it go away again.  It did not come back.  Saw my surgeon later that day to get staples out from surgery.  Wanted me to see my cardiologist.  Appt. scheduled for the next Tueday, Jan. 15th.  No more pain.  Cancelled appt.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Jan. 17th normal day.  Eating small, healthy meals, walking out to get newspaper and doing a little here and there.  Went out to get mail.  Not there.  Mail came 10 minutes later.  Walking back to house I noticed I was out of breath.  By the time I got into the house, I was doubled over with excruciating chest pain, sweating, left arm felt like it was going to explode.  Called 911.  Took 20 minutes for ambulance to arrive (live in the country).  911 operator wanted me to stay on until they got there.  After 10 minutes I was throwing up and told him I could no longer speak and throw up at the same time.  Told him I was dying and to please ask EMS to hurry.  Arrived at the ER of hospital where I had my bypass.  EKG looked slightly abnormal.  Blood tests revealed my heart enzymes were positive and climbing.  18 days after triple bypass surgery, I was now having a heart attack.

Because of recent surgery and the fact that I was stable, I was placed in cardiac ICU until next morning.  Heart cath. revealed I had a blood clot in one of the bypass grafts.  They said it was a coincidence it had occurred there and so soon after surgery.  Said anyone can get a blood clot at any time anywhere in their body.  I had been giving blot busting drugs all night and the clot was then completely disolved in the cath. lab and a stent was placed in my bypass graft to make it less favorable to a clot in the future.

I asked them if that 1/2 cup of sherbert I allowed myself as a treat could have caused my heart attack.  They said no.  I was lucky.  It was a mild heart attack with minimal damage to my heart.  Still, to say this has blown my mind is to put it mildly.  I spent 9 out of 18 days in cardiac ICU and had triple bypass and a heart attack in that time span.  Mentally, it will take some time to deal with all this.  I am calling cardiac rehab tomorrow as they were already supposed to have started working with me after my bypass.  I have developed an EXTREME fear of food now.  I have to force myself to eat because I have to in order to heal from all of this. 

If I don’t get the message after all this and change my lifestyle, I am the biggest fool walking the earth.  I know I will do it this time.  I joined this site with the screen name 4mylife never knowing how in a few short months that would be more true than I could ever have imagined.   Wishing us all success in this journey to get healthy and get fit.

Dianna

This is so much harder than I thought it would be.  I am now 2 weeks and 4 days post op from my triple bypass.  The good news is that I can see a tremendous change in my energy level.  Those blockages were really dragging me down.  I am still weak and draggy from the surgery, but I can feel my energy surging.  I am not one who is used to sitting around.  I cannot lift anything over 5 lbs. for 2 more weeks and nothing over 10 lbs. for 2 more months after that - have to let my sternum heal and reattach itself.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr! I cannot even vacuum, which is driving me nuts.  So, the good news is that I have more energy - the bad news is I can do nothing with it for a while.  Cardiac rehab should be set up and start in a week or so.  That will make me feel like I am doing something.

Doing good on eating, I must say.  After what I have been through, I have developed almost a freakish fear of food.  I picture every bite I take settling in my arteries and leading me back to the OR.  I no longer graze 24/7 like I use to.  I eat 2 meals a day and a couple of snacks.  Weight not exactly falling off since I am so inactive but it gives me hope for when I am.  I have to eat in order to heal, which will lead to me being active again.  My biggest vice in the world is Coca Cola.  I don’t smoke or drink but I would die without my Coke!  I have done better.  I am down from a 2 liter bottle a day to 3 - 2 liter bottles a week.  I guess it’s a start. 

I walk out to get my paper and my mail each day.  We live in the country so it’s a nice little stroll.  I cannot wait to get back to being active again.  Until then, I guess I better go hurry up and do nothing some more. 

Best of luck to us all in this journey we share and remember to always be an advocate for yourself.

Dianna

Decided to tell the rest of my story in this post.  Sorry for the length.  I appreciate any and all who take the time out of their busy day to read this.  I hope it makes a difference for someone.

Before I continue my story, I want to clarify something.  I realize that this blog seems more medical story than weight related.  I feel like what I have gone through with my heart disease is a story that needs to be told.  When I get to the end, you will see why.  I have had doctors tell me my age and being female made it less likely that I had heart problems, even after I was diagnosed with heart disease.  I was told that while I was overweight, I wasn’t as overweight as most people who develop heart problems.  I admit that I thought that myself.  My heaviest was 212.  At 5’4”, that is 62 – 92 lbs. overweight depending on which chart you look at.  However, my story is one that warns no matter your shape or size, you have to take control over your own health care.  You have to demand the care you and treatment you deserve no matter what condition you are in.

The story continues….. After my stent in August, 2005 I was determined to lose weight and get healthy.  That lasted through Hurricane Rita, which hit SE Texas in late September, 2005.  We were forced to evacuate for 3 weeks and I did not have access to healthy food on a regular basis.  It was hard to get back into my routine when life returned to normal.  In February, 2006 I started experiencing symptoms again.  I went to my cardiologist and was told it was probably nerves.  I was the mother of 2 teenage daughters.  They offered me anti-anxiety medication.  I insisted I felt similar to before my stent.  They reluctantly ordered a heat cath.  Was told there was a blockage – surprise! But it was minimal and I was scheduled to come back the next week for a stent.  Returned – back in the cath. lab.  The blockage was not there.  Diagnosed with coronary artery spasms, a condition where heart arteries spasm close for a variety of reason.  Can cause excruciating pain and occasionally lead to a heart attack.  Placed on calcium channel blockers.  Symptoms continued and progressed.  Back to cardiologist in June.  Was told if I would just calm down my problems would go away.  Offered anti-depressants.  The only thing stressing me out was my health and they weren’t listening to me.

August, 2006 -  went to Houston to another cardiologist for a second opinion.  This doctor seemed to take my concerns and symptoms seriously.  Did a nuclear stress test on the spot.  Blockage seen and scheduled for stent procedure the next morning.  Blockage was in the exact location where the other doctor had seen one in February that had mysteriously disappeared.  Coincidence?  Still not sure.  So, one year and one week to the day after my first, I received my second stent.  This time I had 80% blockage behind first and was told I had again been a walking time bomb and could have had a heart attack at any time.

Oh that this was the end of my story – not!  Symptoms returned in May, 2007.  Went back to doctor in Houston thinking he would listen and take me as seriously as last time.  Surprise – he told me it was too soon for another problem and told me to come back in August if I wasn’t better.  My daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild and due in August.  How could I wait?  Went to my family doctor and got a referral to a new local cardiologist.  He agreed to do another cath.  I had an artery spasm so severe during procedure nitro had to be injected into my heart to prevent cardiac arrest.  Told I had no blockages.  Diagnosis – SEVERE coronary artery spasms.  August, 2007 symptoms continued to worsen.   Cardiolite stress test performed – negative.  I was told I had no blockages and my arteries were clear.  I reminded them I had had false negative stress tests before.  They wouldn’t listen and refused to do anything further.  So, I went home and I pushed.  And I pushed and I pushed and I pushed.  I lived like a person without heart disease since they were treating me like one. 

My husband left to work out of state in early September, which put an enormous load of stress on me.  He was going to return when he could get a better job here.  That happened, thank God, in late December.  He had been home 1 week when I could no longer tolerate my symptoms anymore.  Decided after much thought to go to a new hospital, on a Saturday through the ER and request all new doctors.  Nurse practitioner for new cardiologist came in and discounted my symptoms.  Said after a negative stress test in August there was no way I had any sort of blockage.  So, I lied.  I lied big time and told him I had been off of my Plavix for months- a big no no with 2 drug eluding stents.  He then agreed to do a heart cath. but said if there was a problem I caused it myself and I should be prepared.

I knew in my heart of hearts I was really ill by this time.  I was prepared for anything – almost.  Heart cath. performed Sunday December 30^th,2007.  Went into the cath. lab and it got quieter than I had ever heard it before.  I heard people whispering and was told not to worry – a surgeon was on his way to talk to me.  What?  I expected a couple of more stents, why was a surgeon coming in?  Within 20 minutes of entering the cath. lab I was in the hallway awaiting surgery for triple bypass surgery at the age of 41.  So, the cath. I had to lie, kick and scream to get, saved my life, as had the previous ones I had to fight for. 

I am now recovering from open heart surgery.  I am 2 weeks and 4 days post op as I type this.  I can do little more right now than sit at a computer so I am using my recovery to tell my story.  It doesn’t matter if you are overweight.  It doesn’t matter if you are male or female.  It doesn’t matter if you have a family history.  If something is wrong with you and you know it down deep and doctors refuse to listen, find a way to make them.  Do whatever you have to.  I would not be alive today if I hadn’t. 

I am having a lot of trouble knowing that I could have done things differently.  If I had exercised more and eaten better, maybe I wouldn’t have reached this point.  But I did and I shouldn’t have had to fight so hard to be heard and to live.  A gun shot victim going into the ER does not have to convince doctor there is a hole in their chest.  I should not have had to struggle so much and go through so much for treatment and care I needed and deserved.    But, I am alive and I have another chance.  I have lost 10 lbs. since I left the hospital and I hope that will continue when I start cardiac rehab and can actually exercise.

I am in a lot of pain right now and I know my recovery will take time.  I have done something lately I never thought possible.  I have slowed down. I have also let others take care of me and things around me for a change.  I will never be the person I was before my bypass surgery.  I have to adapt to a new normal because my old ways were not working for me.  I used to think that people need to be better educated about their own health.  I have learned that it is the doctors who need more education on how to treat their patients.  Listen to your body and demand the care and treatment you deserve.  Your life could depend on making them listen and making them hear you.  

I also believe that I was sent a message, which I finally heard loud and clear.  I will no longer make excuses for not taking care of myself.  I will no longer live to eat – I will eat to live.   I will make time to take care of myself and to get healthy.  I have been blessed with three miracles and three chances to get it right.  Third times’ the charm, three strikes and you’re out – however you look at it, I am lucky to be alive.  I am going to do everything in my power to stay that way.

Good health to us all – I am looking forward to my new life!

Dianna